Published on Apr 7, 2004
For the uninitiated, The Great Kat is one of the most notorious
musicians in the history of metal music. I honestly don’t think
I’ve ever heard anyone play the guitar as ridiculously fast as she
does. Yes, the shocking truth is that metal’s quickest shredder is
a woman!! Even Yngwie Malmsteen sounds as slow as molasses next to
her!
Seeing how she’s an honors graduate of the world famous Julliard
School Of Music in classical violin and has even played recitals at
Carnegie Hall (before she started her thrash metal career), it’s
quite clear that she’s a gifted virtuoso.
Her own mission statement is this: to take the finest works of
the masters of the classical music world and turn them into heavy
thrash songs played at blindingly fast speeds, creating a new genre
she has affectionately dubbed “shred-classical.” And she pulls no
punches – every single note on
Wagner’s War (which was inspired by the 9/11 attacks and in
which she sounds her battle cry to see all the terrorists of the
world die vicious, brutal deaths) is delivered with all the
subtlety of a detonating nuclear warhead.
The Great Kat has been doing this since her first album came out
in the late ’80s. You’d think someone so intense would mellow a bit
with age, but in her case she’s only gotten more extreme.
Everything about her music is loud, in your face, and intense, at
all times. I honestly don’t think she’s physically capable of
playing anything slower than at lightning speed. You’ll find that
true about her image as well. In all her interviews she answers
every question with brief, shouted, one or two sentence statements
that are exclusively in caps and always end with a dozen
exclamation marks. I haven’t decided yet whether she’s truly insane
or just never breaks character. Also, I have yet to see a picture
of her where she isn’t wearing an assortment of rather revealing
lingerie and bondage outfits, and snarling at the camera like a
demon with an evil stare. And why in every single picture is her
mouth open wide enough to swallow a beach ball? Check
her Web site for
the evidence.
In keeping with the short, yet insanely intense bursts of her
music,
Wagner’s War ends almost as quickly as it begins – the seven
songs run for only eleven minutes in total! See, The Great Kat is
one smart, sexy lady – she knows that no normal mortal ear can
handle her musical onslaught for more than a few minutes at a time,
and luckily that’s the only thing that makes her recordings
listenable for the most part, because to be honest, this music is
shit. I mean, it’s almost unlistenable. And yet I like it
nevertheless, which I will explain eventually.
The production sucks. Instead of being shocked and awed by her
orgasmic leads and impeccable technique, I spend most of the time
struggling to hear the guitar playing because it’s buried in a
muddy midrange mix at the same level as everything else. This lack
of instrumental separation too often results in an indecipherable
blur of noise. The rhythm riffs don’t sound nearly as heavy or
powerful as they should, and the drumming sounds like someone
smacking a cardboard box on a wood surface. In time, at least.
The comical highlight is the claim that there’s a whole symphony
orchestra backing up The Great Kat on a few of these tracks. I
mean, even someone deaf would burst out laughing upon hearing the
obvious synthesized horns on the opening track, a horrendously
butchered cover of Richard Wagner’s magnificent “The Ride Of The
Valkyries.”
The only other highlights are a neck breaking cover of Lizst’s
“Hungarian Rhapsody #2” that has to be heard to be believed, and a
cover of Sarasate’s “Zapateado,” in which she whips out her violin
to demonstrate skills every bit as astounding as her guitar
playing. Never mind the original material here, as it’s practically
worthless. None of her own songs have an ounce of the compositional
imagination of the covers, which really makes you wonder why she’d
allow them to be so obviously overshadowed.
Vocals are quite scarce, since the entire emphasis is on her
instrumental skills, though occasionally she burps out a series of
unintelligible shrieks and growls which add to the already
Everest-high cheese factor. I should also quickly add that one
listens to The Great Kat’s music for one reason, and one reason
only: to be drowned by her technical ability. You don’t listen for
songwriting, melodic development, and definitely not for lyrical
content, though the few lyrics are downright hilarious!
And that finally brings me to why I astonishingly find myself
liking the album. From front to back, beginning to end, and
everything in between, it’s so bad that it’s good. It is unabashed
cheese, and absolutely revels in that fact. As lousy as the
production and as shallow as the songwriting are, the entire
extreme and uncompromising presentation make it a deceptively
entertaining listening experience. As something that The Great Kat
probably shat out in all of five minutes,
Wagner’s War has the same sort of low-budget charm and
no-frills appeal of an Ed Wood movie. My friend and I were howling
in our seats while listening to this, which automatically makes it
far better than a lot of music out there. She’s a cartoon
character, and I hope she never changes. I sure hope she at least
gets a proper producer who actually knows what they’re doing next
time though, because I really would like to be able to properly
hear her dazzling talents. I’m sure her live shows are
spectacular.
Well, I’m ready for the next eleven-minute blast, aren’t
you?