Published on Sep 2, 1998
Back in 1989, when I first heard
As Nasty As They Wanna Be from 2 Live Crew, I found that
album to be hilarious – who would take this stuff seriously?
Obviously, the answer is clear: 2 Live Crew took it seriously
enough to stretch male braggadoccio into a second album,
Sports Weekend (As Nasty As They Wanna Be Part II). And if
the first album in the series was just a collection of dirty jokes
put to rap, then I have a message for Luther Campbell and crew: the
joke is not only over, it’s getting really old.
Long after their legal troubles in Broward County, Florida left
the headlines and the shock over the constant talking about boning
women in the ass (among other pleasantries), the basic premise is
still the same. 2 Live Crew member meets girl, 2 Live Crew member
screws girl, 2 Live Crew member sings about it, peppering the song
with so many vulgarities that even Andrew “Dice” Clay might blush.
(As open of a household as I have, this is one album I reviewed
with headphones to prevent my two-year-old daughter from
hearing.)
But while
As Nasty As They Wanna Be was shockingly funny for the
bluntness of the boasts,
Sports Weekend is just plain boring. There’s only so many
times you can hear the word “fuck” before it becomes less shocking
and more of an annoyance – just like the constant bombardment of
nudity in
Showgirls, after a while you find yourself wishing that the
women would put their bras back on.
Oh, sure, there are the few (and I mean
few) moments where
Sports Weekend is okay, such as the now-traditional Campbell
piss-on-the-critics section “I Ain’t Bullshittin’ III” (where –
egads! – he declared Vanilla Ice to be okay). But album after album
Campbell and crew have done the come-ons for some type of sex
(“Baby Baby Please”) or the “my-schlong-is-bigger-than-yours”
name-calling shit (“Ain’t No Pussy”). Luke, c’mon, man to man…
it’s old, already. Find a new road to plow. (Let’s be real: after
talking about freaky, anal sex, is 2 Live Crew really the best band
to do a song about safe sex and condom use? That’s about as
believable as Marilyn Manson running for a school board
position.)
And frankly, it’s been my experience that the more someone talks
about getting laid, the less sex they’re really getting in real
life, the members of Aerosmith and Kiss excepted. (Me? Let’s be
realistic… I’m a critic, and critics don’t get any lovin’.) So,
if you apply the Thelen Principle of Porking to 2 Live Crew, their
idea of getting lucky is jerking off to a hard-R movie on
Cinemax.
Critics, put down your keyboards; I have nothing against rap (or
even music with foul language in it). Rap, in my opinion, is a
beautiful musical form when it’s performed correctly. 2 Live Crew
prove on
Sports Weekend that they’re not even in the ballpark. Not
even the Chicago Bears are this bad off – and anyone who knows me
well knows my strong feelings about the Bears, Bill Gates and the
Olsen Twins. (But I’ve said too much already.)
Sports Weekend is a fumble on the goal line in the world of
rap, a slider in the cajones, missed free throw after missed free
throw. Throw in the towel on this album… ’cause Campbell sure
should have a long time ago.