Speak English Or Die – Christopher Thelen

Stormtroopers Of Death — better known as S.O.D. — were meant
to be nothing more than a joke. What was born as a side project
written and recorded while Anthrax was working on their second
album
Spreading The Disease has become a legendary album in the
metal circle. If you didn’t own
Speak English Or Die, you weren’t one of the “in” crowd.

And yet there are probably still people who get their undies in
a twist when they hear songs off this album such as “Speak English
Or Die,” “Kill Yourself” and “Fuck The Middle East”. The simple
rule of thumb is this: if you’re getting pissed off, you don’t know
the inside joke. If you’re trying to slam your head in time with
Charlie Benante’s hummingbird-on-caffiene drum work, you don’t need
any further explanation.

The brainchild of Benante, Anthrax bandmate Scott Ian (guitar),
singer Billy Milano and bassist Dan Lilker, S.O.D. is a
joke featuring songs written from the perspective of the
album’s main character, “Sargent D,” a character who is kind of
like G.I. Joe, only with an attitude. It is brutal, powerful thrash
music that dares to challenge anyone who listens to it – even 15
years after its release. In short, it’s a classic.

I might as well get the one drawback out of the way early on –
well, besides the fact that the album is too short. Sometimes, you
can tell that this album was recorded in a hurry, as the overall
sound of a few songs seems to be a bit muddied (and this isn’t the
fault of producer Alex Perialas). Listen to Ian’s guitar work in
the bridges of “Sargent D And The S.O.D.” on
Speak English Or Die, then compare it to the way he played
on
Live At Budokan. Granted, we’re talking seven years that Ian
had a chance to improve his style of playing, but it just doesn’t
sound as tight in the studio as it could have.

Nitpicking out of the way,
Speak English Or Die is the kind of album you’ll want to
blare on the stereo as long as no one else is home. Songs like
“Chromatic Death” and “Milk” have taken on new lives of their own
over the years, but at least in the case of “Milk,” nothing beats
the original. (Sorry, but I kinda like the stylistic changes
Anthrax did to “Chromatic Death” when they covered it on
Attack Of The Killer B’s.)

And frankly speaking, this album is a lot of fun to listen to.
From the band driving Milano crazy on the track “What’s That
Noise?” (a track my college buddy Mark used to love to quote from)
to the all-out thrash attack of tracks like “Fist Banging Mania,”
“Pi Alpha Nu” and “Freddy Krueger” – and even down to the short
bursts of songs like “Anti-Procrastination Song,” “Hey Gordy!” and
“The Ballad Of Jimi Hendrix” –
Speak English Or Die is an album you’ll want to listen to
over and over.

Is it politically correct? No, but who cares? Is this a must-own
for anyone who appreciates the metal scene? In the words of some of
my buddies, “Yeeeeaaaahhhh!!!”