Published on Dec 4, 2000
Have you ever had an experience where six minutes felt like an
eternity?
I hadn’t – that is, until I listened to
Rossini’s Rape, the new mini-CD from ’80s metal left-over
The Great Kat. Why people continue to give her so much attention I
don’t know, but this disc doesn’t answer any of those questions for
me.
Two of the four tracks are Kat’s interpretations of classical
pieces, the most notable being “Rossini’s ‘William Tell Overture’
For Symphony Orchestra & Band”. Kat utilizes her skills as a
speed metal guitarist and tries to translate them onto the violin –
something I once would have called an admirable attempt. And I will
give her credit, in that she stays true to the heart of the
original piece while trying to make it approachable for the
headbangers out there.
I know I’m opening the door for tons of verbal abuse from Kat –
all I have to say is, you wanna slam me, get in line. But this one
piece convinces me that the violin is not an instrument built to
have a million notes played on it in the span of five seconds. At
the end of the selection, it’s almost as if the violin lets out one
last screech of pain before giving up the ghost.
The second of the two classical tracks, “Bazzini’s ‘The Round Of
The Goblins’ For Violin, Piano & Band,” isn’t quite as
overbearing, though occasionally it too heads down the path towards
the musical slaughterhouse.
Speaking of slaughterhouses, let’s talk about the two vocal
tracks on
Rossini’s Rape – namely, “Sodomize” and “Castration”. Far be
it from me to criticize a woman for saying things that would carry
no weight if a man said them; you wanna prove you can curse like a
sailor and be one of the boys, that’s fine by me. But even with the
dominatrix image that Kat has, you’ve gotta look at some of these
lyrics (mainly because it’s damn near impossible to decipher what
she’s screaming) and just shake your head in disappointment. Sample
lyrics from “Sodomize” (her capitalization): “I’M GONNA STRIP EVERY
INCH OF DIGNITY YOU HAVE! / Lick my ass, you fucking piece of shit,
slime, moron FAG!” Hmm, makes my first sexual experience in college
sound like a pony ride at the zoo. But I digress.
“Castration” – sorry, hon, but ever since the John Wayne Bobbitt
thing a few years ago, this subject isn’t quite as shocking. (There
is even a video for this track – a
72-second music video, for Chrissake – that supposedly spews
enough blood and guts to make even Stephen King puke. I’ve seen the
video myself… hard to get nauseated when the action moves faster
than a race car hitting a patch of black ice.
And you know something?
Rossini’s Rape might have been manageable had the musical
performances been more solid. It’s almost as if Kat wants to prove
she can play faster than the speed of light that something has to
be sacrificed in the name of speed – and that something is
instrumentation. I would have greatly preferred having her slow
things down just a hair and focus more on making sure the
instruments were clearly mixed.
About all Kat does get right on this disc is the title. After
almost seven minutes of
Rossini’s Rape, I felt like I had been fucked over.