Published on Oct 1, 2001
Holy crapola! My god, it’s not hard to find the words to
describe this, the 1969 debut album by Alice Cooper. It is
sickeningly inadequate, virtually unlistenable in many places. The
only characteristic that this album has in common with the later
classic material is that it’s completely bizarre, just not in a
good way…what were they thinking???
There is almost nothing on here that follows normal song
structure. Now, I’ll be the last person to say that that is a bad
thing, seeing how some of the most innovative music in rock history
was created that way if you look at bands like Black Sabbath, Led
Zeppelin, etc., but in the case of this album, that approach led to
a complete mess.
It really sounds like the band members just went into the studio
one day completely fucked out of their minds on drugs or booze and
just let the tape roll while they jammed…There is no cohesiveness
to anything here. It sounds like the soundtrack for a typical late
60’s low grade sci-fi B flick, and ironically, the photo of the
band on the back looks like it was taken from the cutting room
floor off the set of
Barbarella.
Completely out of whack arrangements, constant tempo shifts,
ridiculously bad nonsensical lyrics, pathetic attempts at vocal
harmonies, and bizarre out of tune dissonant guitar sounds and
other unidentifiable sound effects…and don’t even dream of
finding a groove anywhere! I have the impression that all the band
members just played whatever they felt like with no regard to any
sort of unifying theme. I also have the feeling that they didn’t
take it too seriously…yeah well all I can tell ya is that the
joke is on them!
One thing’s for sure; it’s pretty obvious why Frank Zappa loved
these guys and instantly signed them to his label Straight Records
in 1968…this sort of uncontrolled, insane psychedelic mayhem is
just the sort of eccentric approach to music that he excelled
at…pity he didn’t help to make this record much better than it
turned out.
It’s unbelievable when you take into consideration that this is
the identical classic Alice Cooper band lineup that would go on to
make some of the most groundbreaking rock albums in history…yup,
that’s Glen Buxton on lead guitar, Michael Bruce on guitar and
organ, Dennis Dunaway on bass, and Neal Smith on drums in addition
to Alice (then still Vincent Furnier) on vocals of course.
I had really high expectations when I miraculously purchased
this album, and I really tried to like it, but, oh, how shall I put
it…listening to this abomination roughly triggers a similar
reaction as the one people get when ten long fingernails screech
across a chalkboard at an ungodly morning hour during a colossal
hangover. The only reason
Pretties For You doesn’t get a failing grade is because
there is the occasional fragment of a decent melody amid the muck,
although these are too few and far in between to salvage the album
on a whole. “Levity Ball” would be an ok song, but on this album
it’s horribly recorded live, sounding like somebody stood in the
audience with a tape recorder.
Maybe I’m being a bit too harsh here…I almost get the hunch
that this is one of those albums that the listener might start to
appreciate after maybe a hundred listens, just for its sheer
wackiness. One interesting little ditty that I noticed was that the
vocal melody in the song “Reflected” was “borrowed” several albums
later for the huge 1973 hit “Elected”! Also, “Changing Arraging” is
a more tolerable track on here…it’s got some nifty guitar
distortion and a somewhat sad sounding pop melody, even if it still
sounds like it’s from outer space.
So, I think that should be enough on the world’s (suitably short
lived) introduction to Alice Cooper. Just don’t expect to hear the
creepy, dark humoured, satirical, controversial, hard rocking, and
shocking Alice Cooper that everybody knows. If you like pointless,
endless psychedelic noise, then this thing is probably right up yer
alley! If not, then stay far, far away, that is, if you can even
find it…for glaringly obvious reasons, and deservedly so I must
say, this album has been out of print for a long time. I delve
through dozens of new and used cd shops all the time, and my copy
is only the second one I’ve ever seen. Actually, I think that’s the
only other positive aspect of
Pretties For You…for the hardcore Alice fan like myself it
serves as a rare opportunity to look into the early history and
development of one of rock’s most influential bands of all time…a
mere novelty item, because pretty it ain’t.
It’s certainly not a great album, or even a good one, but it’s a
definite novelty record. I can’t think of any other major artist or
band who’s debut record was so completely different from anything
else they ever put out (except perhaps Ministry, whose debut was
giddy dance pop!), and that makes
Pretties For You stand out more than it normally would. At
least it’s sort of interesting, and tries to go in places that rock
is rarely taken to…one of the weirdest albums you’ll ever
find…expect the unexpected! And right from the start it’s obvious
that these guys were out to shake the music industry in the late
60’s. I give it high marks for originality, but real low ones for
execution. The playing is real sloppy, the melodies often bland,
and the production is crap.
However, it’s an album that’s practically dying to be
re-discovered and given that revered “drug album” stamp of approval
from the same reefer heads who worship
Their Satanic Majesty’s Request, early Pink Floyd, and other
such whacked out stuff! I could totally see this being the only
Alice Cooper album that would be the perfect companion soundtrack
to a basement full of druggies gettin’ fucked up!