Published on Jul 22, 2000
After this, I never want to hear from any “Daily Vault” reader
that I refused to go to the deepest recesses of hell for a review.
Foregoing my better judgement, I entered the halls of teenage
girls’ heroes and picked up the latest smash from boy band *NSYNC.
The scars I carry from my trip I will wear never reveal, for they
are much too gruesome to the sight and senses of normal human
beings.
When the glory days of New Kids On The Block and Debbie Gibson
came to an end, many of the then-new groups took refuge in the fair
lands of Europe. There, they established careers and gained the
training that would help them conquer their native land when the
proper time arose. In the late 90s, the opportunity presented
itself and, within months, the Backstreet Boys and *NSYNC released
their debut albums to the waiting masses of teenagers that were
tired of alt-rock. Both groups became instant successes and while
Top 10 singles and multi-platinum records followed, they worked
their hardest at achieving some sort of critical recognition.
The five members of *NSYNC (all the girls scream now: JC, Chris,
Joey, Lance and Justin!!!) felt that, to gain this critical
acclaim, they would have to part ways with the man who had created
their group, the Backstreet Boys, New Kids On The Block AND New
Edition, Louis J. Pearlman. (Man, should this guy be hunted down or
what?) A heated legal battle ensued between the boys, Pearlman and
their record label, RCA. Both wanted the rights to the name ‘N Sync
and to the master tapes of their follow-up,
No Strings Attached. In the end, a settlement was reached
and the ‘N Syncers left for Jive Records — home to the Backstreet
Boys and Britney Spears — and their album was relesed to the kind
of success that often solidifies careers for good.
Now, a dark day has come for them. That’s correct, I am going to
review their album.
Many of us non-interested parties are quick to bundle all of
these boy bands together and, in a sense, we’re right. Their
simply-crafted pop is designed for quick comsumption and mass
appeal. It is designed by a team of writers, producers and
musicians to stick in your head and not leave until you’re forced
to buy the album.
*NSYNC apparently understood this and decided that they were
going to mix a stronger blend of beats into their songs. Mixing in
some hip-hop sounds, the group tries to stand apart from their
counterparts. It works on a few tracks, most notably on the lead
single — and smash hit — “Bye Bye Bye.” Their response to
Destiny’s Child and TLC is designed to be a hit and is annoyingly
catchy. Unfortunately, it’s about the best track here.
Now, let me note, not all of this pop is bad. Their cover of
Richard Marx’s “This I Promise You” is well-done, as is the
more-standard “That’s When I’ll Stop Loving You.” However, the
majority of the tracks range from average to bad. How bad? Well,
“yippee-yi-yay” is about the worst lyric I’ve heard since
“comeoniwannalayya” found its way into Ricky Martin’s “Shake Your
Bon-Bon.” That lyric (the yippee) is found in “Space Cowboy
(Yippee-Yi-Yay),” one of the poorer strikes by this album — even
with Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes along for the ride. Along with it,
there’s “Digital Get Down” — which I thought was about to become
about cyberporn — and “Just Got Paid.” They all mix some hip-hop
beats with their pop overtones to create DISCO!! (Don’t believe me?
Hear the beginning of “Just Got Paid,” a cover of the 1988 hit by
Johny Kemp or the forgettable “I’ll Be Good For You.” What is
that if not disco?)
The bulk of the album though is mostly average – designed for
passing glance and rapid dissapearance. From “It’s Gonna Be Me” (or
is that Meeayy!) to the techno-lite sounds of the title track and
to the standard “Bringin’ Da Noise” (they’re only bringing the
noise, because they can’t bring in the funk), the album is not
meant for deep consideration. At a little over forty-seven minutes,
no track ever reaches the five-minute mark. Call this guerilla
music, because it comes out, shoots and dissapears before anyone
saw what happened.
Now, before anyone launches a Scud at my home, saying that this
is not meant for me and I did not get it, calm down. I’m no
stranger to pop music. I grew up with Michael Jackson and with
Menudo. I understand that pop music is designed to be lite and
fluffy and speak of broken hearts and puppy loves. That it must
have catchy choruses and danceable beats. I also know that these
bands dissapear as soon as their fanbase outgrows them. Which is
why I guess *NSYNCc tried a preemptive strike with this album, by
mixing in harsher beats to their lite sounds.
Is
No Strings Attached a bad album? No, it’s not the worst
album I’ve ever heard. However, it does not inspire anything – no
fun, no attitude, no style. At its best, it is just another pop
album that teenage girls can buy before they go out to get their
learner’s permit. If the members of *NSYNC were trying for that and
nothing more, then I guess they could all go home happy. If, on the
other hand, they truly wanted to prove they could create something
more meaningful beyond what it is, then the the *NSYNCers and their
army of cohorts failed like
Battlefield: Earth.
No Strings Attached fails to separate them from the boy band
pack. Ten million records may fill the pockets, but ask Vanilla Ice
and he’ll tell you that money can never pay for the ridicule you
stand later.