Published on Feb 11, 2005
If there’s one thing I’ve always hated, it’s the overbearing
sports parent, the one who brags on their kid, rags on the
officials, badgers the coach, and basically bullies everyone in
sight in their desperation to live out their own fantasies of glory
vicariously through their victimized, innocent child.
In the music world, the analogous individual would be the
overzealous manager/agent/A&R dude who latches onto an unproven
and unseasoned — but marketable — budding musician and,
salivating for that ride on the gravy train, vastly oversells his
artist’s capabilities, jumps straight into recording, and then
wonders why the act bombs.
This all comes to mind after receiving the promo package being
shipped around by an outfit called New Game Media, pushing the
debut album of one Daize Shayne, the expansively-titled
Live Your Dreams.
According to New Game Media’s breathless bio, “Surfing star,
recording artist and model Daize Shayne lives the dream. Beautiful,
athletic, feminine and strong, Daize is one of the hottest new
rising stars to hit the entertainment scene.” (Well, except for the
part where no music fan who doesn’t already own a longboard of
their own has ever heard of her.)
The accompanying 12-page (no, that’s not a misprint) photo
collage lives up to the prose: there’s your glamour shots, your
surfing shots, your girl-with-guitar shots, your “just goofing
around / ain’t I cute” shots, your show-a-little-skin cheesecake
and your tough-grrl shots. “The right image” says the copy on one
typically vacuous page. Yeah, uh, even if I cared, which one?
Back to the bio. Good Lord. Has there ever been a musical act on
earth for whom listing work as a “spokesmodel” would be considered
a plus?
On second thought, forget the bio — I can’t take any more — on
to the music. The album itself is a mix of originals and covers.
The originals are trite, predictable rock numbers (“Naughty Girl,”
“Can’t Have Just A Little” ) that try to affect a somewhat heavy
edge but have the street cred of a Nissan Sentra and the artistry
of a paint-by-numbers kit. Even backed by a band full of session
pros — Ricky Z on guitar (Jessica Simpson), Ed Roth (Glenn Hughes,
Ronnie Montrose) on keys, Carlitos del Puerto on bass and Jimmy
Paxson (Sophie B. Hawkins, Ronnie Montrose) on drums — Shayne’s
inexperience and lack of polish is evident on most of these
tracks.
The covers are where things get really scary. Try to imagine a
20-something female athlete who’s already in over her head actually
recording a bizarre, interpolating medley of the Foghat classic
“Slow Ride” and Deep Purple’s immortal “Smoke On The Water” for her
debut CD. Try to imagine said recording not giving screaming
nightmares to anyone who has ever heard and appreciated the
original versions of these songs. I wish I could, but it’s too late
now.
As for her cover of — I kid you not — “I’ve Got The Music In
Me,” that was the point where I really started to feel sorry for
this young lady. It made me want to take her aside and talk some
sense, as in, “Maybe you sang this to your mom in your kitchen when
you were 14 and she loved it, but unless you’re auditioning for the
alcoholic booking agent at a fourth-rate Vegas lounge, it’s not a
good choice.”
Bottom line is, given time to develop, there might actually be
something worthwhile here. Shayne does appear to have some vocal
talent — especially on the one ballad here, “When You’re Gone” —
and her compositions are not terrible, they simply lack subtlety or
sophistication. Given the chance to learn and grow out of the
spotlight’s glare, Daize Shayne might in time produce music that’s
worthwhile. As it stands, her hack of a management team’s abrasive
overhyping of this unseasoned artist has succeeded only in making
them all look foolish.
To Daize Shayne, I wish the best of luck in the future. To New
Game Media, I wish a large and persistent infestation of
cockroaches. (Oh. Wait. Never mind.)