Published on Mar 8, 2001
I am sick of living in countries where they don’t allow refunds
for mediocre music. Dear Music Industry: your albums are CRAP. YOU
are crap. There is probably no other industry that doesn’t allow
you to get refunds of unsatisfactory products, and probably no
other industry that overprices its products as themusic industry
does; it’s common knowledge that it’s cheaper to produce a CD than
a cassette tape. A recent
Asian Wall Street Journal article reported that the EU is
investigating this matter as we speak. Industry insiders claim that
“the product is worth the price we put on it.”
Bullshit. Here’s the artist to prove it.
Jennifer Lopez is a stage-trained singer with an R&B
background, who’s done some Broadway work. Note Broadway; emphasis
here would be projection, not soul or emotion. Her previous effort
On The 6 was filled with her banal, vanilla and flat voice
that was layered under more production effects than Britney Spears
and Cher combined.
J. Lo offers no improvement.
The reliance on production is heavy. “Walking On Sunshine” might
have worked if Lopez had a stronger voice. So is “Ain’t It Funny”,
which is otherwise tightly produced. Let me lump together the
Simply Boring songs here right away: “Come Over” is just slow and
boring, “Talk To Me” is more inanity, “I’m Gonna Be Alright” (of
arguable spelling) and “That’s The Way” are such obvious fillers
you just want to smack the upside of Tommy Mottola’s head for
insulting your intelligence. “Dance With Me” STILL more boring…
all these songs are about going to clubs, what happens in clubs,
clubs clubs clubs, as if the rest of life, history, the Space
Station and hunger in Africa just fades away into irrelevance.
But the banal ersatz Latin-groove songs have got to be the
worst. “Carino” (sorry, can’t get Spanish-language accent marks on
Korean Windows 98) and “Dame” are seriously banal, with or without
her voice; do they think just Spanish lyrics, trumpets and a beat
spells automatic “Latin”? Spiritless, pointless fillers, as is the
closing track “Si Ya Se Acabo”. No wonder she’s not a hit in
Mexico.
“That’s Not Me” has some hope as it compensates for her voice by
layering, and layering, and layering her vocals so it gives an
IMPRESSION of strength, like an R&B version of Enya, but
Destiny’s Child does it better and besides, it won’t save her in
the end. “Secretly” sounds like a pre-
Control Janet Jackson throwaway… a bizarre example
(bizaare because it’s unexpected) of “bubblegum pop” as defined in
the early 80’s.
If there is a single song of merit on the entire album it’s
“Love Don’t Cost A Thing”, which overcomes her voice problems by
layering, layering, layering and even more layering. She won’t get
away with this for long, and one good track with something like
seventeen fillers does not a good album make.
Because I apparently do not have the right to demand a refund or
an apology, I exercise my right to free speech here to compensate:
Do Not Buy This Album
. It’s really, really bad. I give Jennifer Lopez the honor of
recieving my first F review.