Published on Oct 3, 2003
While serving time (by just being a teenager), I witnessed the
New Kids On The Block surfacing as the marquee bubblegum
enterprise. The scene was hysterical. My junior high school was
spackled with pink and neon with the faces of Donnie, Jordan,
Jonathan, Joey and even the monkey-semblanced Danny littered on an
unbelievable assortment of objects. Since they were an overtly
commercial group, I would not be caught dead (or alive) finding
aural pleasure from any of their numbers. However, the media and
presence was undeniable and I caved in.
Hidden under my mattress was a cassette tape —
Hangin’ Tough. Precious moments were had when I could come
home from school and sneak a listen of the album. It was difficult
because I had to avoid the fact that my little sister was always
seeking any ‘cross to bear’ that could be broadcast to any and all
of my friends. Fortunately, after a few months my condition
improved and I was able to secretly dispose of the recording.
*Fast forward 15 years later*
At a used CD store, I found a dust-covered
Hangin’ Tough placed on the $0.99 rack. After removing the
surface dust that had settled on the disc case, years of separation
were instantaneously erased from my memory and their images were
queerly peering at me (along with the counter person).
As I reviewed the tracks and scanned the haunting images from
years past, it was obvious that the moment arrived. Ten
super-saccharine songs streamed in succession. No wonder parents
loved them; nothing on the album was anything more than a feigned,
diabolical pose. “Hangin’ Tough,” “(You Got It) The Right Stuff”
and “What’cha Gonna Do About It?” used plastic r&b to conform
to the ‘bad boy’ item on Maurice Starr’s (their producer) recipe
for creating a huge mainstream teen group that could be exploited.
Other ingredients were establishing a faux streetwise image,
focusing on songs that relate young ‘puppy’ lust and precise
sequencing, so that 50%+ ballads could be rendered.
The General’s (Starr’s moniker) packaging, song selection and
sage market survey of the pop-buying demographic beamed much
greater than the talent displayed by the New Kids on the Block. No
member had any notable gifts; Jordan simply was average, Joey’s
voice frequently cracked (“Please Don’t Go Girl” and “I Remember
When”), Donnie could not rap or sing (he must have been used for
his mullet), and neither Jonathan or Danny’s contributions were
heard.
Ten minutes ago, I scrapped this disc again. Personally, my ears
and mind can no longer handle obvious pop music from a mediocre
group that offers no wink of sarcasm or wit. However, if you are
currently a teen, masochistic, and/or wonder what an ‘N Sync album
would have sounded like 15 years ago, then a copy of
Hangin’ Tough is still likely nested in a bargain bin near
you.