Published on Nov 18, 1997
My very first review for “The Daily Vault” was actor Don
Johnson’s
Heartbeat. Since then, I’ve reviewed albums by the usual:
Robert Palmer, Roger Waters. I decided for my next review would be
similar to my first: Actors/actresses taking a crack at the music
business.
Back in 1988, Rhino Records released Volume 1 of
Golden Throats, a look at well-known actors and actresses
who took a turn at clearing their throats, and trying what everyone
else does in the music business: NOT playing instruments, but
SINGING! Since then, Rhino now has not one, but four volumes in the
Golden Throats tradition!
Some people may not even like the idea in knowing that an
actor/actress can sing. Especially the ones on this album. You say
to yourself: “He/She can sing?” To be quite honest, the entire
Golden Throat series proves one thing, and one thing only:
That these actors/actresses CANNOT sing, worth a DARN!
It is only fair to list each song by each artist for this
review. So, let us take a deep breath, and a big gulp, and see
who’s who:
1) “Proud Mary” by
Star Trek‘s Leonard Nimoy: This song starts out the album,
proving the fact that if you don’t have a good stomach listening to
someone singing bad, you may just want to quit while you’re ahead
and stop listening. His voice is bad, and so is the music. If John
Fogerty wasn’t dead, he’d want to be.
2) “It Ain’t Me Babe” by
Family Affair‘s Sebastian Cabot: Well, if you know you can’t
sing, you can take the song’s lyrics and just recite them. Again,
this song is JUST SO BAD! It’s not really a song, it’s Sebastian
reciting The Turtles’ song as if he was reading a bedtime story
with bad music in the background.
3) “Blowin’ In The Wind” by
Green Acres‘ Eddie Albert: Not sung in the traditional
folk-style of Peter, Paul & Mary, but Eddie’s version is kind
of groovin’, but like the rest of the songs, it is just plain
BAD!
4) “Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds” by
Star Trek‘s William Shatner: Like Sebastian Cabot, “Captain
Kirk” recites The Beatles’ classic tune in such a way, that it
sounds like he’s sexually excited about Lucy being in the Sky and
all. At least Sebastian Cabot had better reading abilties than
Shatner’s. Shatner really sounds like he’s out of space
somewhere.
5) “Whiter Shade Of Pale” by Noel Harrison: Well, at least
Noel’s trying his best to sing, but he can put you right to sleep!
Where’s that classic Procol Harum organ when you need it?
6) “I Can See For Miles” by Frankie Randall: Imagine listening
to this Who song in “elevator music” style, with a bad singer. “I
can see for miles and miles… Oh, yeah….”
7) “Try A Little Tenderness” by
Dragnet‘s Jack Webb: It’s not as soulful as Otis Redding’s.
But, like Sebastian Cabot and William Shatner, Jack Webb’s version
sounds like a guy reading a love letter to his girlfriend/wife. The
music isn’t that bad, it’s kind of romantic!
8) “Twist And Shout” by Mae West: OH GOD, THIS IS THE WORST!
Sung in the style of John Lennon & The Beatles. After hearing
her sing, and then her saying, “Come up and see me sometime,” I’d
think I’d pass on that one.
9) “House Of The Rising Sun” by Andy Griffith: This version is
NOTHING compared to The Animals’ version! Words can’t describe how
bad this tune is!
10) “Mr. Tambourine Man” by
Star Trek‘s William Shatner: And if “Lucy In The Sky” wasn’t
bad enough, they had to put
another one of his in!
11) “You Are The Sunshine Of My Life” by “Gomer Pyle” Jim
Nabors: This song makes you feel like you’re listening to a bad
lounge band wearing bad tuxes. Oh, did I mention the word BAD?
12) “Like A Rolling Stone” by
Family Affair‘s Sebastian Cabot: What,
him again? Well, he’s reading the lyrics again. Some people
think that Bob Dylan can’t sing, but, I’d rather hear Dylan’s
version.
13) “White Room” by
Cabaret‘s Joel Grey: Trying to sing a classic psychedlic
tune like Cream’s “White Room” just doesn’t cut it for Mr. Grey.
Again, I’m in that bad longue room again!
14) “If I Had A Hammer” by Star Trek’s Leonard Nimoy: “If I Had
A Hammer,” I’d use it against this song.
Who knows why these people decided to take a shot at singing a
tune, but despite how bad they sound, each song was from previous
released FULL-LENGTH albums, showcasing their quote-unquote
“singing” abilities. Believe it! The liner notes show each album
cover! And, believe it or not, both the Leonard Nimoy and William
Shatner albums have been re-issued on CD!
Despite how bad the songs were, I couldn’t resist but to get the
remaining volumes in the
Golden Throats series.
If you really want to punish someone, or yourself, set the
“Repeat All” button on your CD player, then strap the hands against
a chair. (Kind of like Billy Joel’s “Pressure” video.) See how long
you can tolerate listening to this album without jumping out of the
straps to turn it off.
My rating for this album is quite obvious, an F, but an F for
Funny: So funny, it’s pathetic.