Published on Jul 14, 2004
I grew up listening to KISS. In 1978, my parents bought me an
eight-track version of Gene Simmons’ 1978 solo album — I was in
2nd grade. Now, many many years later, I remember listening to two
tracks (“Tunnel of Love” & “Living in Sin”) over and over.
Maybe it was the sequencing on the eight-track tape; maybe it was
because I was an aspiring drummer; in any case, those two songs
captivated me the most.
Fast forward to 2004 and the second Gene Simmons solo album.
Marketed sleekly as a culmination of the many influences KISS
bassist enjoys,
Asshole is not what I was expecting. There are two tracks,
“Sweet & Dirty Love” and “Weapons of Mass Destruction,” that
are remotely close to what I was expecting — KISS songs in the
same vein as “Boomerrang” from
Hot in the Shade or the aforementioned “Tunnel of Love.”
That doesn’t surprise me since Bruce Kulick plays guitar and Eric
Singer slams the drums on these songs. I sense an uncredited Paul
Stanley singing background vocals on a couple of lines in “Sweet
& Dirty Love” as well. So, on one level, Gene Simmons has
satisfied what I was expecting.
The other element in my expectation comes from the fact that
this is the man that has given us the lewd lines we remember when
the name of the release fades from recent memory and becomes a
smile. (I’m thinking of the “Let me put my log in your fireplace”
line in “Burn Bitch Burn” from
Animalize). This is the man that has slept with so many
women, he can’t keep track.
Instead, except for the aforementioned two tracks, I get lyrics
like “And here I’m all alone/ Sitting by the telephone” in the tune
“Waiting For The Morning Lig,” which was co-written with Bob Dylan.
Let’s not kid ourselves. Those lyrics suck. I’d rather listen to
Vanilla Ice’s comeback CD than that drivel. The next track,
“Beautiful,” shows Simmons sinking lower than “Light” as he tries
to evoke the Beatles, and fails.
Then we get to the title track. If the lyrics were cleaned up
just a bit, this would replace Good Charlotte on rock radio.
Seriously. Imagine a catchy guitar riff with an interesting hook
and you have this song. And like the entire Good Charlotte CD, the
lyrics on this song are digging into me like a misdirected fishing
hook — the more you pull out, the more pain you feel, until you
decide, “Ah, hell. Live with it.” Lyrics in the chorus include
“You’re such a creep / You look like a sheep / (Baaa) /
Asshole.”
“Now That You’re Gone” brings a subtle John Lennon sound to your
ears. I can hear this song being one that I dig out this release to
hear again. The laid-back vocal delivery and kids singing
background make this an unexpected gem on this release. On the
other hand, “Whatever Turns You On” sounds like a rap song, with
all sorts of dialogue and questioning (a female vocalist asks, “Say
what?”) after Simmons sings a line. This song doesn’t do much for
me.
“Dog” is closer to what I was expecting lyrically when Simmons
sings, “You know I kinda love ya / all the way to the bitter end /
because you’re breaking my balls / you’re making me crawl.” Simmons
is at his best when directly confronting his subject. The next
track, “Black Tongue” continues that trend with these lyrics, “If
everyone says you’re much too old / You’re out of style / Just tell
’em you do their sister and mommy / Everyone once in a while.”
“Carnival of Souls” reeks too much like “Psycho Circus” for me
to tolerate. “Psycho Circus” has to be the worst song KISS has ever
recorded. (
prhmusic@inav.net if you
have another nominee for this title.) “If I Had a Gun” is
forgettable. “1000 Dreams” ends this release in a similar vein to
the 1978 cover of “When You Wish Upon a Star” — a needless dip
into the pool of country, complete with steel guitar.
After listening to this release more than 5 times, the weak
tracks definitely overpower the vibe of this release. I have
resolved that Simmons didn’t release this CD for me — he released
it for himself, much as he has done throughout his colorful career
in KISS.