Published on Jan 9, 2000
It’s always been a secret ambition of mine to become a Bond
archvillain. You know, surround yourself with beautiful women in an
overly-elaborate underground headquarters, with thousands of neatly
color-coded pajama-clad henchmen and/or thugs, full of gigantic
computers and machines whose only obvious purpose is to make “ping”
noises. I mean, I’ve got a cat and no fashion sense, so I should be
halfway there.
It should be gleaned from the above paragraph that I am
something of a Bond enthusiast.
This CD was an impulse buy at the record store, more for the
“holy shit, this looks cool” factor than any real musical interest.
It consists of 19 tracks, including the title theme to each of the
official 007 movies (
Never Say Never Again doesn’t count). This sounds like a
disaster, since usually these themes consist of hilariously badly
written lyrics delivered in a diva-esque fashion (never sing one
note when nine or ten will do) over unbelievably pretentious
overblown orchestral backing.
The fact that the album includes tracks by a-ha, Duran Duran,
Tom Jones, Carly Simon and Nancy Sinatra may also indicate
train-wreck potential. But this disc does contain a surprising
amount of solid material, plus a lot of absolutely hilarious
material (more on this later).
The first track, of course, is “The James Bond Theme”, the
instantly recognizable rock-jazz theme that opens
Dr. No, the series’ first picture. This track is best played
at earsplitting volume in your personal automobile, as you
accelerate to approximately 134 miles per hour and start running
suspicious cars off the road. A lot of fun. The other instrumental
on the record is from “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”, which is
the sort of lost Bond movie (the only one featuring George Lazenby
as 007). Both are characterized by great rock-jazz-orchestral
arrangement and general excitement.
The title themes fall into several categories. There are some
honestly good tunes, some moderately ridiculous ones, and some
which will likely leave you crying with laughter whilst rolling
around the floor.
Let’s tackle these categories in reverse order. First, Tom Jones
crooning “Thunderball” is one of the most surreal bits of recorded
music I’ve ever experienced. Like William Shatner’s “Mr Tambourine
Man”, it crosses the threshold of “bad” and enters wholly
different, and uncharted, territory. Duran Duran’s “A View To A
Kill” isn’t quite as stupefying, but still pretty much awful.
Most of the tracks on the album fall into the “forgettable”
middle ground. The a-ha track isn’t insultingly bad, but doesn’t
really go anywhere. Nor does “You Only Live Twice,” performed by
Nancy Sinatra, or Sheena Easton’s “For Your Eyes Only”. Rather
surprisingly, the two Brosnan-era songs included – Tina Turner’s
“Goldeneye” and Sheryl Crow’s “Tomorrow Never Dies” – are very
mediocre. Unfortunately, this collection doesn’t include Garbage’s
theme for “The World Is Not Enough,” which frankly is excellent and
would have been one of the top four or five tunes on this disc.
As for the good ones…everyone’s favorite Bond theme is Wings’
“Live And Let Die” which makes up for its moronic lyrics with
absolutely ingenious arrangement, including an all-too-short middle
theme that puts you in the midst of the all at once hilarious and
exhilarating bayou motorboat chase that makes that movie my
personal favorite of the series. The funkified treatment of the
Bond theme used in that movie (which largely takes place in Harlem
and New Orleans) was the instrumental highlight of that score, for
me, and I intend to seek out this movie’s soundtrack album.
Carly Simon’s “Nobody Does It Better”, from another Moore-era
classic,
The Spy Who Loved Me, is a good, catchy pop tune. Gladys
Knight’s “Licence To Kill”, although hampered by idiotic 80s synth
timbres, is not only a glorious vocal performance by this soul
goddess, but also reprises the wailing arrangement of “Goldfinger”
in the verses. The singer perhaps most identified with Bond title
themes is Shirley Bassey, who did the title themes for
“Goldfinger”, “Diamonds Are Forever”, and “Moonraker”. “Goldfinger”
is by far the best, the overblown arrangement works well and Bassey
shows off a pretty amazing set of vocal chords.
The best track on this compilation, without a doubt, is the
totally disarming Louis Armstrong theme from
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, “We Have All The Time In
The World.” A touching love song sung in that glorious gravelly
voice, “All The Time” is a lovely song with pretty instrumentation
and a generally laid-back feel which is all too often absent from
the other tunes on the album. It’s fitting, since
On Her Majesty’s Secret Service is the only Bond movie that
really works on an emotional level, and frankly may be the best
movie of the series, whatever Lazenby’s faults.
I don’t know if I can recommend this to anyone who isn’t a big
Bond fan, but those who are will most likely enjoy it. If nothing
else, it’s a fun novelty album.