Published on Jul 20, 1997
One of the most difficult things about being a rock critic is
that you have to keep an open mind. Especially if you’re reviewing
an album which you hated when it originally came out. (Why do it in
the first place? Easy – to be fair. And hey – you never know if
your tastes have changed.)
For example, this morning I was digging through the Pierce
Memorial Archives (air-conditioned listening booths for your
comfort) when I stumbled upon my copy of Wham!’s 1984 breakthrough
album
Make It Big. There were George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley
on the cover, with faces that made you want to punch them out
immediately.
I don’t know whether it was a relapse of the bug I had earlier
this week, another flash of the
“It-seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time” blues, or just a case of
the galloping stupids, but I popped it into the tape deck. Just
under forty minutes later, I discovered my tastes – thankfully –
hadn’t changed.
Up to the point of this album, Wham! had a minor chart hit in
Britain, and they had gotten a small amount of airplay on MTV. It
was with the first single “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” that the
band was catapaulted into superstardom. With Michael leading the
way on vocals and Ridgeley doing… doing… what the hell
did he do in Wham!? – they became another in a line of
teenage poster heartthrobs. (Take a look at the album cover, and
think about this for a moment: doesn’t Michael look kind of like
Princess Diana?)
For the better part of 1984 and 1985, Wham! dominated the charts
in the U.S. and Great Britain. Four of the eight tracks were
released as singles, and a non-album track, “Last Christmas,”
became a hot item in the U.K.
My question: what was all the hubbub about?
Only the final single from the album, “Freedom,” had any real
appeal. “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” is a blatant copy of ’60s
doo-wop, and neither a convincing nor a good one at that. (Another
cut, “Heartbeat,” is a piss-poor attempt to copy another oldies
genre. The beat kind of reminds me of “Leader Of The Pack.”)
“Careless Whisper” – I don’t even know where to begin on this
track. The song itself stretches out way too long, it is a poor
attempt at soul, it is the cause of male pattern baldness…
whoops, got a little carried away there.
There are also the tracks that didn’t make it to the singles
slots of the jukebox. “Like A Baby” is a complete waste of time, as
is “Credit Card Baby” – what the hell was that about, anyway?
One undeniable fact is that
Make It Big has not aged well. It has a stale ’80s pop sound
that went out of style not long after it became in style. Sure,
Michael at least did something in the band by acting as lead throat
(and Ridgeley’s saying “jitterbug” in the “Wake Me Up…” video
doesn’t count towards doing anything). But for the most part, Wham!
was just a pretty boy, do-nothing band.
I know, I know, I can hear your comments now: “That’s not fair,
dude. You were prejudiced against the album before.” Well, maybe.
But I have changed my mind on several albums that on second listen
turned out to be pretty tasty. Wham! just wasn’t one of those.
George Michael is off now on his own semi-successful solo
career, and Ridgeley is, well, doing exactly what he did before (if
you didn’t get the implied comment, don’t bother) – within three
years of this album, Wham! was no more. They did leave behind a
small album collection, including
Make It Big. In this case, they needn’t have bothered.